Letters to Lexi

To Lexi

A month after Lexi’s funeral I thought I would share the words my sister Vikki read at the funeral. I had asked Vikki to read my letter to Lexi and I’m sure that all who attended the funeral would agree she read them so beautifully, I’m sure Lexi was proud of how strong her auntie was in doing so.

Hello, thank you all for coming this morning. It means a lot to see so many here. For those of you that don’t know me I’m Vikki, Sophie’s sister.

I had the joy to be with Sophie and Andrew when Lexi came in to this world. I have the fondest memories of us sitting in the hospital making jokes, debating middle names and hoping she would arrive soon. When she did arrive, i remember being in ore of how beautiful she was and how much love she created instantly. I remember talking to her, although it was quite a one sided chat, about how I didn’t mind at all missing my Christmas party, for how obvious it was there was nowhere in the world I’d rather be then right there with family.

In a time now of so many questions unanswered, all that seems clear is she was too bright a light for this world. Within all the tragedy though, Lexi continues to do what it was hoped she would. Through her a legacy of kindness, hope and love can be found. I have seen it everywhere from that fateful night at Pembury through to today. Family, friends and strangers, have all come together, to help and hold, to love and support. Lexi has shone a bright blinding light on all that matters in life, and I, and I hope all of you, will honour her memory everyday by ensuring you strive to see the beauty and love in this fragile world and live a life that is full of light.

Sophie has asked me to read the following letter to Lexi on her behalf.

To our darling Lexi,

Did you like your bedroom I wonder, that you so fleetingly saw? All the clothes were washed and ready and the teddies sitting waiting for you to adore. Did you notice the stars on your mobile, as they danced above your head? We lay you there for but a moment, as your sister and brother splashed that evening in the bath, a photo now we have to treasure.

Did you see Lukie’s dinosaur jacket and woody and buzz? Lukie had been desperate to show you these, bringing them every day to your tummy house, hoping you could see them. Did you see Lukie’s gentle smile of delight, when he got to hold you or remember the way he kissed you goodnight. He was the proudest of big brothers and he asks for you to come back always. He’s desperate to find where you are hiding and asks if we can go to heaven to bring you home.

We wonder if you heard the secrets Annabelle was whispering into your ear. Two sisters already for their adventures they would have together. She cries for you all the time you know, she wants you to come back home. She sneaks your teddies and blankets out from your room to hug onto tight at night. She told me how she misses your tiny hands and wishes she could still hold it tight. She tells me you are with her when she is at school or when she’s playing Barbie’s she talks to you alone. Her only comfort is knowing you’re a star and beautiful angel. She proudly will tell anyone her sister is the brightest star and the most beautiful angel there ever was.

Did you hear daddy’s jokes he told, he’s funny all the time? I haven’t heard him joking much since we had to say goodbye. I hope you heard him when he used to sing to you, still safe inside my tummy. So many books he wanted to read you, so many adventures undiscovered. He misses his littlest princess more than words can say. He longs for one more cuddle or the time to stop and stare and just enjoy his princess Lexi. Did you see him counting your toes and fingers and kissing you a final goodnight? He didn’t want to leave you princess, he longs to keep you safe, but inside daddy’s heart is all the memories he will keep safe of the time he spent with you.

Do you miss the sound of my heart beating I wonder, the sound you heard for all those months safe inside next to my heart? I don’t think it must sound the same anymore, now it’s broken beyond repair. Did you enjoy that beautiful night just after you were born, where we cuddled all night long and all I could do was stare? I miss your sweet eyes the most, I wish they would open again and or that we could hear you cry out for us. I’d come running my princess, if only I could find where you are. Do you hear me talking to you I wonder wherever you have gone? I think you must you know, cause I feel you with me still. I can’t say sorry enough my Lexi for not getting to bring you back home. I hope you heard mummy and daddy singing sweetheart as we had to say goodbye. We will never forget that moment you opened your eyes one last time to say goodbye to mummy and daddy.

I wonder Lexi sweetheart of all the things you would have done. I’ll never need to shout Alexa and find you, Annabelle and Lukie up to mischief. I wonder what it would have sounded like to hear you say dada and mamma. I think of all that would have been and it all feels so empty now you have gone.

Don’t ever think we will forget you darling, there will never come a day. We will cherish your memory for ever. We’ll try our best to mend our broken hearts and smile for those moments we had. I hope you come and visit us lots just to watch and see your brother and sister play.

Our darling Lexi Amelia, we will see you one day again and until that moment we will think of you forever, missing you while we are apart.

Love you always or as Lukie would say, we love you too much.

Mummy x

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